What does it mean when Jesus says He did not come to bring peace, but a sword (Matthew 10:34)? Some Christians take this as an excuse for violence, and many unbelievers use it to say "see? Christianity is a violent religion." But as the saying goes, "never believe a Bible verse."
Reading the entire passage, we see that actually, Jesus is not describing a literal sword, but is rather prophesying the continuity of a battle as old as time itself. Reading on to verses 35 and 36, we see Jesus actually quoting the prophet Micah, who also described a time in which families were in turmoil.
It is no secret that the New Testament tells us countless persecutions will be in store for the Christian. We are told that we will actually be hated by the world because it hated Jesus (John 15:18). So yes, Jesus came to bring a sword, but in whose direction is it facing? It is not in the hands of the Christian against the unbeliever. Our greatest weapon is our reasoning ability (2 Corinthians 10:3-6; 1 Peter 3:15-17). Rather, unbelievers will inevitably rise up against us. We will face persecution, even to the death, and sometimes that will come from our families. Our parents, our children, our siblings, our cousins, our in laws, our aunts and uncles, the war between God and evil inevitably results in conflict between God's people and those who are not yet saved.
Micah's conclusion? "Therefore I will look to the LORD; I will wait for the God of my salvation; My God will hear me." There is no precedent for violence in the Bible, at least as far as religion goes. Quite the opposite, Jesus goes as far as to say that to live by the sword is to die by the sword (Matthew 26:52).
But unbelievers live by a different set of rules. In fact, multiple different sets. Violence is completely alien to some unbelievers, and is second nature to others. Paul himself, before his conversion, once believed that to kill the Christians was pleasing to God. So what do we do when that sword comes? Seek God.
Specifically, Jesus tells us in no uncertain terms that there is nothing, not even life or family, that we should choose over Him. If we are blessed enough to have a family of believers with whom we are completely at peace, wonderful. If we have a family of unbelievers who are nevertheless willing to live at peace with us, we must seek to maintain that peace, and of course give them the Gospel so that they may be at peace with God. But what if our families seek to force us to abandon Jesus? Thousands, maybe even millions of Christians live with this tragic choice every day: "Me, or Jesus." But Jesus says there's only one valid choice in this situation. Even if it means the loss of your family, you must choose Jesus.
And that is the sense in which Jesus brings a sword. It is not a sword of war, but of division. It is not a sword that says "you're an unbeliever, therefore you must die", but a sword that says "I love my Lord, and if that means we must be cut off, so be it."
Of course, this is not a message many of us are pleased to hear. Who would want to lose either their lives or their loved ones? There is comfort even in this: "He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it." (Matthew 10:39). There is nothing you can lose in this life that you will not gain hundreds of times over in Heaven. If you must die for your faith, what is that in light of the eternal life you will be given? If your family love you so little that they persecute you for your faith, can you even be said to have lost anything by leaving them behind in favour of your brethren in Christ?
You never know who may be converted by your presence in their life. If it is within your power, live peacefully with everyone, unbeliever or otherwise (Romans 12:18). Only divide if there is no other choice. But take heart in the knowledge that should that choice be removed from you, you gain far more than you could ever hope to lose.