In spite of her popularity, I never imagined I'd be writing about singer Billie Eilish. I'm not big on celebrities, and so for a long time, all I knew about her was her name. I now know her face, only because of the springboard interview for this article. Speaking on SiriusXM, Eilish described her experience with porn, which began at the tragically young age of 11.
Although Eilish herself is not a Christian, her story has begun a conversation I think we, as Christians, really need to weigh in on. Now, I could make this article an essay on the mental damages, and in some case physical dangers of porn. I could also make it about how Christian parents, especially, need to do everything in their power to protect their young children, and especially teenagers, from exposure to this abominable practice. Both of these points could easily be made from Eilish's testimony, and I think the Church does need to continue addressing them. But let's be honest, we've hammered those points to death. Here's my question: What do we do with the "Eilish" in our pews?
I once heard a pastor say he'd never meet a young man without assuming he'd looked at porn at some point in his life. It is, after all, everywhere, and it is very natural, especially for men (though women are not entirely immune) to want to look at this kind of stuff. It's also extremely easy to access. Literally, tap tap tap, click, click, there it is. Doesn't matter if you're over 18 or under 12, if you have a device with internet access, you can access porn.
Of course, there are things parents can do to protect their children. Limit and monitor internet time, "safe mode", things like that. But in our world, even that may not be enough. Porn addictions are easy to acquire, and very difficult to break. So, how should Christians respond?
Perhaps, as the unbelieving world might believe we'll do, we will look at porn addicts with disgust. We could hear people like Billie Eilish talk about their experience with porn and think "eww, slut!" Sexual immorality, after all, is a great evil in our world, and if you're going to claim to be a Christian while committing it habitually, you can add hypocrisy to your rap sheet. But what good would this do? In truth, this would be a great evil in and of itself. It's not loving, it's not helpful, it's hypocritical (are you not also a sinner?), and it's arguably blasphemous, depending on how far you take it, as it usurps the judging role of God.
But maybe we don't have to talk about it, right? Maybe we just let Christian porn addicts do their thing, then eventually, as Jesus sanctifies them, they'll just drop the habit. Well my brethren, to this I say no. We absolutely need to be talking about it. Is it awkward to do so? Right now, for a lot of Christians, the answer is yes. But a mature Christian will find it as normal as confessing to anger, jealousy, greed, even theft. We, as Christians, need to make "I need prayer because I struggle with porn" as normal as "I need prayer because I struggle with alcohol". It need not be as taboo as it is.
In Galatians 6:1-2, Paul exhorts us "Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ." Notice, law of Christ. This is something God really wants us to do, and He will judge us by it. It is, of course, important that we consider ourselves, lest we are tempted. When dealing with porn addicts, we need to be careful not to let their addiction spread to us. But we are also commanded to restore them in the spirit of meekness.
Porn addiction is a very hard thing to break. Effectively, it is a drug. I've even heard, though I have not confirmed, that it is as addictive as cocaine. Alone, with neither advice nor accountability, I almost believe it cannot be beaten. But with our fellow Christians praying for us, advising us, and even holding us accountable, it can be kept in check like any other sin. If we continue to stigmatise porn, porn addicts will not seek that much needed help, for fear of judgement, or even simply embarrassment. But if we normalise porn as a Church, rather than just having a few mature Christians scattered around the globe and a few decent congregations with the stones to talk about it openly, addicts will get the help they need. Therefore, as long as porn is normal in the culture, it needs to be normal in the Church.